How to Prepare for Divorce: Navigating the Twists with a Touch of Humor

September 2024

“Divorce is a game played by lawyers.” Cary Grant

Cary Grant’s witty take on divorce underscores the legal jostling involved, but the experience encompasses much more, especially emotionally and logistically. Preparing for a divorce is crucial, not just in legal terms, but also in personal and emotional readiness. This is particularly relevant today, as divorce rates among older adults have risen. In fact, individuals over 50 now represent one in four divorces in the U.S., a significant increase from one in ten in 1990, according to researchers from Bowling Green State University.

Tips for Managing Emotional Turbulence:

  • Talk it out: Whether it’s with a therapist, a supportive friend, or your dog, getting your feelings out there is therapeutic. Yes, even Fido’s wagging tail can be comforting!
  • Stay active: Join a yoga class, take up hiking, or simply walk around the block. It’s not just about staying fit; it’s about keeping those endorphins flowing.
  • Rediscover yourself: Remember those hobbies you gave up on? It’s time to pick up that guitar or paintbrush again. You might be rusty, but hey, it’s better than stress-eating cookies at midnight.

 

Social Support

Lean on your friends and family. They can offer emotional support, practical advice, and even a couch to crash on if you need a temporary escape from your shared space.

 

The Logistical Labyrinth

Divorce involves more than just dividing up your old DVD collection. There are homes, kids, and yes, even that ugly lamp you fought over just because you didn’t want your soon-to-be-ex to have it.

 

Navigating the Transition

Divorce marks a substantial transition, particularly for older adults who may have envisioned retiring together. This phase involves rethinking living arrangements, finances, and daily life.

 

Transition Tips:

  • Stay Organized: Maintain a checklist for all necessary updates, from legal documents to personal accounts. (see checklist below)
  • Be Proactive: Update your will, estate plan, and other critical documents to reflect your new status not your past relationship.

 

Key Updates to Consider:

  • Beneficiary Designations: Adjust these on all relevant accounts to prevent your ex-spouse from inadvertently benefiting.
  • Housing and Living Arrangements
  • For many divorcing later in life, deciding what to do with the family home is a major financial and emotional decision.

 

Considerations for Housing:

  • Evaluate Financial Impact: Assess if maintaining the home is feasible on a single income.
  • Practicality Check: Remember the upkeep and costs associated with larger homes, which might influence your decision to downsize.

 

Financial and Legal Considerations

From spousal support to splitting retirement accounts, the financial implications of divorce are about as enjoyable as a root canal. But with the right preparation, you can come out of this financially savvy and even a bit wealthier (hey, one can dream, right?).

The financial implications of divorce, such as dividing assets and understanding entitlements like social security benefits, are especially important for those in the over-50 age group.

 

Financial Steps to Take:

  • Gather Important Documents: Collect all relevant financial documents, including retirement accounts and insurance policies.
  • Understand Your Rights: Particularly for long marriages, you may be entitled to a portion of your ex-spouse’s Social Security benefits.

 

Family and Social Adjustments

Divorce affects not just the couple but their wider family network, particularly when adult children and grandchildren are involved.

  • Communicate Clearly: Ensure children and family members understand the changes and that these are not their fault.
  • Re-evaluate Caregiving Roles: With the spouse no longer in the picture, alternate arrangements for elderly care may be necessary.

 

Incorporating Humor

Finding humor in the situation can be a vital coping mechanism, lightening the emotional load. Whether it’s joking about who keeps the quirky family heirlooms or the odd habits you won’t miss, laughter can be a balm during challenging times.

With thoughtful planning and a supportive network, you can navigate this significant life change effectively, emerging with new perspectives and perhaps, a few new jokes.

A checklist of important documents – What to gather:

  • Account statements for all jointly held accounts
  • Retirement account statements and beneficiary designations
  • Social Security statement
  • QDROs and divorce decrees
  • Life Insurance policies and beneficiary designations
  • Statements for jointly held debt
  • Credit report
  • Estate planning documents
  • Titles and Deeds

 

Review, revise, and regroup:

  • How has divorce changed your vision and goals in retirement?
  • Have you tried counseling?
  • What impact has the divorce had emotionally?
  • Have you considered how your divorce will affect your housing situation?
  • How does this divorce impact your children and family?
  • Were you expecting your spouse to take a caregiving role? Does your role as a caregiver change?
  • Is transportation more difficult?
  • Have you updated your emergency contacts?
  • Have you updated your estate plan and beneficiary designations?
  • Is this your first divorce? Are you planning to ever marry again?

 

Websites

An overview of the legal aspects of divorce and separation, from the Cornell University Law School: http://www.law.cornell.edu/wex/divorce

Managing the emotional challenges of divorce, from the American Psychological Association: http://www.apa.org/topics/divorce/index.aspx

Retirement plan information, from the Plan Sponsor Council of America’s 401(k).org:

http://www.401k.org/401k-and-divorce.php

Social Security Administration information for divorced spouses: http://www.socialsecurity.gov/retire2/divspouse.htm

IRS information on Qualified Domestic Relation Orders: http://tinyurl.com/IRS-QDRO

 

Remember, divorce, while challenging, can also be a time of renewal and personal growth. It’s not just about ending a relationship; it’s about beginning a new chapter. So, embrace the change, prepare meticulously, and maybe stock up on some ice cream—just in case.

 

Contact The DiCiacco Team today, and let’s embark on this journey together.

We invite you to take the first step towards understanding and transforming your financial future by scheduling a consultation with us. This exploratory conversation will offer us both the opportunity to see if we’re a good fit, ensuring that your financial goals and our expertise align perfectly. Together, let’s unlock your full potential of your investments and pave the way for a prosperous financial future.

 

Leah Thomson Snell, CFP®

Partner & Managing Director

(626)521-9804   lsnell@snowdenlane.com

 

John DiCiaccio

Partner & Managing Director

(626)521-9801  jdiciaccio@snowdenlane.com

 

https://snowdenlane.com/advisors/diciaccio-team/